In response to the WAVE Women’s Service Mission post PSA Campaigns for Men, Modern Mormon Men and WAVE got together for a collaboration.

The LDS community has its own peculiar flavor of rape culture, bolstered by modesty rhetoric taught by church leaders which can run the risk of young people assuming that how a young woman is dressed can lead to sexual assault. You may remember the story coming out of BYU where a male student scolded a female student for what she was wearing on campus. Now, thanks to Modern Mormon Men and Scott Heff, there’s an meme for that!

This series of memes emphasize that “no matter what a woman is wearing, males have the responsibility to control their thoughts, words and actions.”

These memes are now available to be uploaded and shared on facebook, twitter and pinterest (maybe even used in youth lessons??) so that this message can be promoted within the LDS community. For links to other PSAs and memes, see the WAVE Women’s Service Mission post.

Inspired by these memes? Why not make your own? Submit your Mormon modesty memes to service@ldswave.org.

With breastfeeding in the Mormon spotlight this last week with the following newscoverage, the topic of breastfeeding in the Mormon culture has taken off.

Fox 13 News: Breastfeeing in LDS Church creates controversy

Salt Lake Tribune, Peggy Fletcher Stack: Battles break-out over breastfeeding at Mormon meetings

Salt Lake Tribune, Robert Kirby: Find breast-feeding in church scandalous? Get over it. 

Like this post from Katherine Anderson shows, breastfeeding support is a women’s health concern that requires public policies to support and protect the future health of both mother and baby.

Utah lactivist and mother of three, Katherine Anderson authored the following article in the name of mothers and their children worldwide. This post is crossposted from Latter-day Lactivism. 

In my years as a mother, I have seen quite a bit of the lactivist movement. I have a daughter that nursed until she was four, and a pair of twin boys that are still exclusively nursing. I have nursed them proudly, as a woman called to motherhood. I accepted that calling despite being a young woman with little resources.

To be a mother is the greatest gift God has ever given me. I struggled with secondary infertility, and to be able to trust in my body to provide my children with the milk that is their birthright has healed my soul after two miscarriages.

Something that I have found troubling for some time is how much responsibility we ask of a nursing mother. She must educate herself so that she understands how it is done, as few women ever see the mother and baby nursing dyad. She must make sure her care providers do the best they can to support the baby latching in the first hour after birth, when the newborn is most alert and responsive. She must ensure that the pediatrician she entrusts with her child’s health and well-being is dedicated and knowledgeable in clinical lactation management. She must resist the pressure to use formula- the ads, the free samples, the hospital provided bags of gifts and booklets and diaper bags, full of their particular brand–all of which claim to provide the best to the mother’s milk (next to breastmilk, of course–in fine print).

To ask this of a woman who has just borne a child is unconscionable. Society should support breastfeeding as a parenting choice equal to that of formula feeding. While there is an undeniable increase of health risks associated with baby milk substitutes as chemical substances, there should be no such comparison between how or what a mother chooses to feed her children. There are many valid reasons why mothers choose to formula feed, and very few of them choose to refuse to try. Many want to very much. They reach out for help, and with a few exceptions, they get nothing but discouragement and admonishment that it’s too hard and to stop trying to be perfect.

It troubles me because in many movements for better support for women, of which lactivism is but a small part, we make it the mother’s job. Something she has to fight for. Somehow, it’s HER job to make sure she has a doctor who is supportive of breastfeeding- not the doctor to educate himself. It’s HER job to make sure the medication is safe for breastfeeding or not- not the doctor’s, or the pharmacist’s, or the drug companies’ to do the research so that mothers can access the medication they need. It’s HER job to argue with insurance over whether or not they cover breastpumps and lactation consultants- not their job to provide her with them in order to minimize the risk of illness. It’s HER job to risk her job fighting for her right to pump- not her employer to follow the law.
It’s HER job to stand up to people who try to infringe on her right to nurse in public- not the public’s job to accept women and children.

It’s dishonest to say that everyone can do it in the face of that kind of opposition, and to put all of the responsibility and blame on the mother for not trying hard enough without trying to change the obstacles that are in place against it at every single turn.

There are so many women who want to breastfeed, without having been duped, guilted, or manipulated into doing so, and they face enormous difficulties. That they have failed is not a personal flaw. It is impossible for many women to try any harder and that is no reason for guilt, shame, or judgement.

They deserve the things that all people deserve from the medical community- to have the most current knowledge, the most current research, and the most comprehensive support possible in order to meet their goals successfully. They deserve evidence-based care and they deserve good medical treatment and good medical advice. They deserve respect and validation. Advancing that is not anti-feminist. It is not anti-woman. It is not trying to place restrictions on what women do with their bodies- it gives them the best possible chance of getting to do what they want to with their bodies and their babies and their breasts.

If society as a whole had their way, no one would breastfeed, no one would nurse in public, no one would hold nurse-ins or speak up about lactivism. We’d all just shut up and keep our heads down and follow the status quo, which is to put in a token effort to breastfeed. That is all society deems necessary, and then gives up on women and conclude our bodies are broken. No one would talk about how bad pediatric care in this country is and why we’re so higher than other countries in infant mortality. Not to mention the fact American Academy of Pediatrics is so deep in bed with formula companies, or that we’re the only country in the Western world without paid maternal leave.

But no one wants to hear that, because it would mean we’re doing something wrong, and that we need to change things. And nobody but nobody likes change.

Get over it.

Katherine Anderson is the mother of three children, a birth and breastfeeding counselor, and aspiring IBCLC. Passionate about women, children, and other endeavors, she enjoys writing, horseback riding, and dedicating her talents to support mothers in the community.

She is currently available by email for breastfeeding or birth related consultations. To contact, please email naturalbeginningsutah@gmail.com

For more information on the importance of human milk for human babies:
Utah Breastfeeding Coalition
United States Breastfeeding Committee
Stop Nestlé

Jenni Brighton is a childbirth educator, graduate student in psychology and mother of three active boys, and several angel babies. She is c0-founder of The Amethyst Network http://theamethystnetwork.org/ and author of an article featuring her stories of miscarriage and pregnancy loss in the Winter 2012 issue of Sunstone magazine. 

I think it is time we talk about women’s health, particularly as relates to reproductive health, but not completely limited to that.

One of the major things that second wave feminism did was to bring focus and research to the fact that women’s bodies are not the same as men’s (shocker!). They are the ones behind the recommendations for regular mammograms and pap smears. They are also the ones behind the now well-known information that women’s heart attacks have very different symptoms from men’s.

This has been a good start. As a childbirth educator though, I still see SERIOUS discrepanciesbetween what the research shows and what is happening in typical practice in prenatal, birth, and postpartum care. (For example c-section rates in the USA are triple what the World Health Organization recommends). Unfortunately, individual women often not do not have the education, resources, or sometimes even feel like they have the RIGHT to disagree with what a medical professional may say.

Experts from the mighty Pacific Ridge has said that there are some specific issues in this category that I want to bring up, but first I want to state for the record that this is not about there being a “right” or “wrong” way to choose a healthcare provider, or have a baby, or deal with depression, or any of those things. This is not a mommy wars issue. What this IS is a discussion of some simple facts:

1. medical practice needs to catch up with the research (this is especially prevalent in obstetric care)
2. women need to have information
3. women need to be empowered to have a say in their own health and care

Issue 1–birth trauma.

Do you know who is at high risk for a traumatic birth?
Every woman who has been sexually abused, Sexual abuse in marriage needs serious concern as most of the woman are abused physically and mentally by means of marriage . In such cases divorce is the only option that exist hence contact attorneys from law firm for divorce claims as they can help you legally to step out of the toxic relationship. You can also contact family law attorneys from Missouri to get divorce (1 in 3).
Every woman who has experienced pregnancy/infant loss (1 in 4).
Every woman with a prior traumatic birth experience (1 in 4).

These risk factors are well documented as are the numbers of women who experience them. Inother words, half or more of childbearing women are at high risk for having a traumatic birth experience…and yet nobody is doing research on prevention of the trauma. The risk factors are known, and there is plenty written about treatment for the depression, anxiety, or even PTSD that many women experience after giving birth. But nobody is addressing that middle step of
prevention. This is an issue that I am actively involved in trying to correct. It’s why I am certifying as a childbirth educator, and why I am getting a masters degree in psychology. Part of my class will be addressing these risk factors, and working to help the women process their experiences and make empowered choices for their birth so as to lower the likelihood of having a traumatic experience. (For example, an abuse victim might chose an epidural over a non-medicated birth, so as to avoid having the out-of-control birthing sensations trigger flashbacks to abuse
experiences.)

As I increase my study in this area, I am also working on putting together a booklet that I am hoping that other childbirth educators can use to enhance their classes. And if all goes as I’m hoping it will, I will be part of a team in a birth education organization working to make traumaprevention a part of their actual curriculum.

Issue 2–breast cancer, effective screenings, and treatments

For decades now we have raised copious amounts of money for research, and still we have…nothing. We have really not made any advances in breast cancer information, prevention, or treatment. We still have mixed information about the safety or usefulness of mammograms. There are some people who feel that the mammogram waves may actually cause cancer, especially if you are getting them annually. Even the medical associations have admitted that this may
be a possibility, and have adjusted their recommendations to a later age for starting routine mammograms (unless you are high risk), and recommend a less frequent schedule too.

It is my understanding that regular self breast exams are still the best way to know when something is amiss, and then a mammogram can validate or invalidate the concern. So feel yourself up, but then let’s get to work.

And my heart tells me that there have to be better treatment possibilities out there. Chemotherapy and radiation are both very intense treatments, but little funding is being spent to research alternatives.

One in eight women experience breast cancer. I’m betting that everyone reading this knows at least one person who has been through it. I’m betting some of you are survivors. You know better than anyone how much this matters.

Issue 3–miscarriage

This one is personal for me, as I’ve had 7 miscarriages (and only 2 live births). I started a nonprofit for miscarriage support, education, and advocacy in fact. I saw several different doctors/midwives in dealing with my miscarriages. Most were not very empathetic or helpful. 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in loss, so one would think that prenatal care
providers would try to learn how to help those mothers! But no, in fact, the first thing that was offered to us (after the second late-term loss in a year) was to do an infertility workup.

Really?!

I do not want to discount infertility at all (that’s the next issue!) but difficulty conceiving should not be confused with difficulty carrying to term. Loss happens a lot. I’d like to see more research on how to prevent it if possible, support the
mothers (and fathers) when it does happen, and educate everybody about it so that it’s not so taboo to tell people that in my heart I have more kids than the ones you see standing here.

Issue 4–infertility

This one has not been my struggle, and I am admittedly not that educated on it. But it matters, and in many cases it affects the woman more than the man (in terms of procedures she goes through, and social stigmas that seem to assume that infertility always lies with her, even though it doesn’t). Just as the survivors of abuse and loss need safe places to tell their stories and be validated in their experiences, so do those who experience infertility.

Issue 5–sexual abuse and rape

Every single person who is subjected to forced sexual activities needs to have access to sympathetic medical personnel, rape kits, and morning after pills. These women (and sometimes men) need and deserve ongoing support (emotional, psychological, and physical). They need recognition that these experiences may negatively affect their future sex or reproductive experiences, and they need support in working through that. Not to mention stuff like prosecuting perpetrators…but that’s not the health side of it.

Issue 6–thyroid issues, adrenal fatigue, and hormone imbalances

These are common. They are WAY more common than I think most of us realize–even among apparently healthy women. These kinds of things can totally screw up a woman’s body and essentially make her sick or dysfunctional (or both) all the time. And it’s not her fault, but society doesn’t recognize that. Or, when they do, they often misdiagnose it as depression, and treat it with antidepressants. Depression is real, but it is completely separate, and Zoloft does not help an underactive thyroid or fatigued adrenals or low estrogen.

There are treatments for these issues, but there is not awareness. My neighbor had thyroid cancer and they had to remove her thyroid, so when she is lethargic she knows why. My mother started having symptoms and saw doctors, but it still took over a decade before they got her a proper diagnosis (a specific thyroid condition), and were finally able to get her on the right medications to treat the condition.

A DECADE!!! I’m not ok with that!

At one point, I thought I was depressed, I thought I had low vitamin D from years of pregnancies and breastfeeding and from living in the arctic…it turns out those things were true, but I also had severe adrenal fatigue. I was weak, lethargic, depressed, no libido, had constant infections (yeast and other illnesses), and my teeth were getting cavities at an outrageous rate in spite of having maintained my oral care… and then we finally realized it was adrenal fatigue. (The thyroid is one part of it, but in my case the thyroid tests were normal so the doctor said nope not that.) When I
started a program to treat my adrenal system as a whole, I started feeling better.

Within a Mormon paradigm, these issues may be more common than we realize, because having a lot of kids and/or having them close together can really do a number on your adrenals. Your body does best if it has several years to recover between pregnancies, but many women do not give it that break.

Furthermore, if a woman’s adrenals are fatigued, and she gets pregnant, her body will actually pull from the child’s adrenal system as it comes online during the second trimester. This can make mother feel better, but it can lead to the child having poorer adrenal health (including weakened immune systems and really bad teeth). So adrenal health isn’t just a for-yourself thing. If you’re having kids, it affects them too!

As a closing note, there are also doctors (and other providers) of both sexes who buy into the idea that “the doctor always knows best” and that the client or patient should shut up and follow orders. Yes, these providers went to medical school, and I do not discount that. However, in spite of the best intentions, few professionals are able to stay truly on top of all the research being done. And many are so busy treating people that they really are not current on the research at all.

There needs to be respect in BOTH directions. And when a medical professional ignores a woman’s concerns, or pushes her around, or abuses her (mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally) then it NEEDS to matter. I, personally, am troubled by how litigation-happy many people seem to be (and by the fact that high malpractice insurance costs are driving good people out of the field, and driving up medical costs), but there does need to be SOME way of addressing these abuses.

http://deseretbook.com/Strengthening-Our-Families-In-Depth-Look-Proclamation-Family-David-C-Dollahite/i/5012751

http://deseretbook.com/Helping-Healing-Our-Families-Principles-Practices-Inspired-Family-Proclamation-World-David-C-Dollahite/i/5015119

http://deseretbook.com/Successful-Marriages-Families-Proclamation-Principles-Research-Perspectives-Alan-J-Hawkins/i/5077232

Guest Post

Kaylie Astin is the founder of  the organization Family Friendly Work and lives in Northern Utah with her husband and children. 

I have always believed (and still do) that the work of mothers matters.

When I became a mother myself, I quit everything, because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. Motherhood would fill me up from my head down to my toes. I was going to live vicariously through my children, and helping them succeed would be enough.

But it didn’t take long for me to realize that though I’d always dreamed of raising a family, something was missing. I had other dreams and interests, and these dreams hadn’t died when I became a mother. At first, when I compared myself to other LDS women who loved staying home, I felt guilty and unfeminine because in my mind, family was supposed to be all I wanted.

I tried to fill the void in my life. I needed something, I knew, but nothing felt right, and I became increasingly desperate. I tried a variety of at-home ventures. I considered going back to work, but couldn’t find a part-time job that paid more than minimum wage. Wasn’t there a way for women like me to combine ambition with family instead of choosing one or the other?

In the midst of my angst, a General Conference address by Quentin L. Cook seemed to be exactly what I needed. He said, “I would hope that Latter-day Saints would be at the forefront in creating an environment in the workplace that is more receptive and accommodating to both women and men in their responsibilities as parents.” His words invited people of our faith to fight for families in the workplace.

And suddenly, I knew I had to do just that.

The pieces fell into place. My struggles were not just meaningless misery, but a path leading me to help other parents. The more I read, the more I realized I wasn’t alone. What person with a family doesn’t struggle with these issues?

And, for LDS people, with family being so important to our faith (and with so many LDS mothers who work), what better way to show what matters to us than to advocate for families in our workplaces and schools?

Surprisingly, though, there were very few resources to help LDS people navigate work and family issues. I’m not sure why this is. We’ve seen many efforts lately where Church members have gotten involved in legislation dealing with marriage laws. But I haven’t seen as strong of a push for measures promoting family-friendly work policies, such as parental leave or sick leave.

Is it because we think women should stay home with the children? Many Church leaders recognize that’s not very realistic in many areas of the world, and especially in recent times. Julie Beck said,

One of the questions that I get frequently is, “Is it okay if I work outside of my home or I don’t work outside of my home?” You have to know that as an international, global, Relief Society president, that question isn’t always appropriate in all of the world’s countries. There are many, many places where if our women don’t work, they don’t eat. So of course they have to work. The question of whether or not to work is the wrong question. The question is, “Am I aligned with the Lord’s vision of me and what He needs me to become, and the roles and responsibilities He gave me in heaven that are not negotiable?

Is it because we think employers and employees should make their own decisions about work/family balance and leave politics out of it? From what I’ve read, our leaders promote the exact opposite. M. Russell Ballard said, “We call upon government and political leaders to put the needs of children and parents first and to think in terms of family impact in all legislation and policy making.”

And even though, ideally, it would make sense for employers to encourage a family-friendly work environment, most employers and employees don’t implement the policies that would help most. Though studies have shown, time and again, that work/life strategies save much more than they cost, not all employers take advantage of them. Though we know that employees work better when they can accommodate their personal lives, many employees don’t ask for schedule changes or parental leaves because they’re afraid of losing their jobs or paying a professional penalty.

That’s why I favor a multi-pronged approach. If laws are passed that require employers to provide time and a place for breastfeeding mothers to pump, I cheer. If companies make bold new moves to compete for national workplace flexibility awards, I’m thrilled. If an employee goes out of his or her way to negotiate a job share, that’s amazing. If several employees band together to discuss how their workplace can better support employees with elderly parents, it’s exciting. I hope that my site, www.familyfriendlywork.org, can promote any action that helps things change, whether that’s on an individual, company, or national level.

Most importantly, though, I want to create some discussion. Many of us struggle to find a way to balance work, school, and family (or sometimes all three at the same time!). We shouldn’t have to struggle alone, particularly in the LDS community, where family is so highly valued. It’s not just the logistical details of how to find a sitter or what to do when your child is sick, though those are real issues. It’s the emotion that comes along with it—the almost crippling guilt, the worry of being second best to SAHMs, the lack of sleep that makes it nearly impossible to function, or the fear created by the need to provide for a family when unprepared to do so. Along with the site, I began a Facebook group to help working parents discuss their situations, whether that’s offering advice or just a listening ear.

Most of the parents I talk with seek some kind of balance in their lives. I still believe that mothers matter, and that’s exactly why family-friendly workplaces are so important.

Do you enjoy a flexible work environment? What have been your experiences negotiating work share, paid maternity/paternity leave, flextime, etc.? What organizations or resources have been the most helpful for you when setting up your flexible work schedule? Do you know of any other Latter-day Saints who have heeded the General Authorities’ call to promote family friendly workplace accomodations?

Feminists know, that at the end of the day, efforts to protect women from abuse ultimately lay in the hands of the men who choose to abuse, rape, assault or beat women. No amount of telling a woman to dress differently, avoid certain places or at certain times is going to prevent a woman from being the target of an abuser. Currently the stats stand at 1 in 3 American women experience some form of physical abuse in their lifetime and 1 in 4 experience rape.

More and more, the focus is turning away from women attempting to sheild themselves from the advances of or to avoid men who would exploit or abuse, as people realize that its not effective, its not realistic and its not fair to women. Instead campaigns are popping up targeting men which emphasize their responsibility to control their actions and behaviors and to be good examples for other men in their lives.

This post is a compilation of some of those media campaigns.

The following are from the organization Men Can Stop Rape (www.mencanstoprape.org).

Campaigns such as these can be talking points in conversations with young men in church settings, especially the Young Men of Strength campaign (YMOST). Materials such as these can supplement statements by church leaders denoucing abuse and violence towards women. Mormon specific materials would be an important addition, especially to combat cultural sayings such as Modest is Hottest or anonymous modesty letters.

Other organizations framing domestic violence, and sexual assault as men’s issues include: MenWorks, Inc., Men Stopping Violence, The Good Men Project, A Call to Men and The National Organization for Men Against Sexism. Earlier this month, a number of organizations came together to host the Healthy Masculinity Summit.

These efforts all share the goal of transforming rape culture in Western civilization. While targeting men directly through campaigns such as those highlighted here, many of these organizations also emphasize the importance of media literacy and call for media to reduce content that normalizing sexism, disrespect and violence against women.

Call to Action: Please share these campaigns and organizations with men that you know and start conversations with them about addressing the role that men have in stopping violence against women. If you are feeling especially creative, please design some Mormon directed PSAs for the men of the church and share them here.