by Kylee Shields
I have wanderlust and ADHD and so I struggle with staying in one place and doing one thing. As a result I struggled many times in my life to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. Even when I graduated from BYU with a degree in English and Linguistics I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to be and do. I was raised in a family (thankfully!) where we grew up as kids who were “jack of all trades–king of none.” In other words I loved doing everything and was never really good at anything one thing.
While serving my mission something amazing happened to me. I realized I was really good at something. I was good at memorizing scriptures, finding principles, outlining lessons, and making connections. I discovered my passion for teaching the gospel! As a result when I went back to BYU in my last year (b/c I fought the idea) I took the two semesters of Seminary Teaching Classes.
It was here that I felt the heavy burden of inequality but not just me as a female. We were told that most likely none of us would become seminary teachers. We were told that males who were married by the time they were up for hire, would not be hired. I was told that if I was actually (by some miracle) hired that as soon as I had a child I would have to quit my job. Even with all this negativity I felt the spirit very strong and confirming that this is what I was meant to do.
So I began my student teaching and I LOVED it! I loved my students and they loved me. I made a point to raise the bar in my classes and expected the kids to reach it. They did and then some and I saw miracles in my classes and in my students lives. The thing I didn’t see was the male leaders who were suppose to be coming in to see my teaching and evaluate me.
I watched as they came on a regular basis to the male teacher in my same seminary building who was up for hire and engaged. And half way through my year I was told that I would most likely not get hired so if I wanted to quit that would be okay. I chose to finish out the year for my students. I wasn’t visited again. I was actually teaching full time at this point b/c two of the teachers had health issues so I taken on their classes. The Seminary Principal believed in me, my students loved me, and I felt the support of the Lord and the spirit. Yet, I wasn’t hired. I know that there are a gazillion teachers up for hire each year and the likely hood that I would get hired was a shot in the dark but I
wanted my shot. I wanted an equal chance to show my love and passion for teaching. I was devastated by my unequal treatment and failure.
I was confused by the spirit’s assurance and the contradictory knowledge that certain men had power over my ability to do what I love and was good at!
I actually tried again in Boston while teaching early morning seminary to 11 dedicated LDS kids from 7 different high schools. I was made promises by males in power that they would come out and evaluate my teaching. Again they never came. I realized I didn’t have the stamina to fight this losing battle and I stashed my teaching files far away in the back of the storage unit my family owns.
Then I battled. I wrestled with the Lord, I talked to everyone I knew, I made lists, etc. I did anything I could think and even some things others thought of to figure out what to do with my life. I was so angry!
Slowly over time the Lord opened a window where He had closed all the doors and I discovered that while I may not be able to teach the gospel to kids I could find ways to work with them. Besides, I had always had an affinity for the punk kids anyway. Through much prayer, fasting, schooling, frustration, heartache, and joy I became a child and adolescent therapist! I love what I do, I love listening to broken kids, I love being a part of the process of change in their lives, and in a small way, I love helping them know they are loved!
Men in power may have kept me from being a seminary teacher but they couldn’t keep me from teaching the gospel (I’m currently a sunday school teacher) or working with adolescent kids. The Lord and I found a new path, a new plan, and a new found faith!
Congratulations on your success. The Seminary Children missed out but the troubled teens lucked out.
We have have had two male Seminary Teachers go to prison in Utah for violent assaults on female students in the past four years. Maybe our leaders should reconsider women teaching the gospel.
Jessica,
I so wish my daughter had you as a seminary teacher this year! The fact that women are discouraged from being professional seminary teachers has always frustrated me. My mom was my teacher for the home-study class for the first three years I had seminary. My senior year they started the early-morning program. My teacher was an amazing woman who opened up the New Testament to me in ways that truly changed my life. She was always prepared and excited to teach of Christ’s life.
As an adult I have lived in a number of places as my husband and I have pursued our educations. In Cambridge, my husband was the seminary teacher for a time, but most of the teachers we saw were women. I’ve lived in north central Indiana for the past eight years and every teacher in our ward had as been a woman. (They even asked me to do it a few years ago, but because of children and schedules I couldn’t) Why is it that women are good enough to do the early-morning classes, but not good enough to work and get paid for it in Utah? Many of the women who have taught these early classes finish and rush off to full-time jobs each day.
I am certain that most of your students felt as I did my senior year. You made the scriptures accessible and exciting for them, reaching them in a way that the weekly Sunday School class could not.
I think it’s a shame that you weren’t taken seriously, evaluated, and hired. The Church’s archaic ideas here prevent some incredible women from reaching their full potential.
Kylee, how wonderful that you found a different path! Does your current ward know your seminary legacy? It’s a shame that you can’t teach full-time, but I hope some students get the benefit of you teaching early morning at some point
I think that it is so sad when gender prevents someone from fulfilling the measure of their creation. I’m impressed with your creative approaches around the church system. I wish you could have been treated with more respect and valued just as a man (I guess I should clarify: a married or engaged man) with your talent, but you have triumphed nonetheless and are a good example to all girls out there trying to understand where they “fit” in all of this. kudos!
Kirsten,
Thank you for your kind words, but this post is written by a guest, Kylee Shields.
But like you, I think she would have been a fabulous seminary teacher. I did have one woman seminary teacher and she was my favorite. Unfortunately, she was forced to quit 3rd quarter when she had a baby, even though she was only teaching a few hours a day. It was devastating for me and her answers about why she had to leave were unsatisfactory.
I always wonder how she’s doing now. . .
Kylee, I’m glad that you’ve found a way to make peace with your gifts and that you found this peace through prayer. You are an example to me.
I just talked with the wife of a seminary teacher last night and casually asked how many women worked in the profession. She easily admitted not many because they won’t get hired if they have children at home. It’s shocking to hear it be no big deal that the church exercises that kind of control over people’s decisions. She said it so matter-of-factly, and I wondered if she thought it sounded as bad as I did. Obviously not, but I almost said what a shame it was that what would otherwise be a really great job for a struggling mother was denied across the board. (I chickened out though)
Kylee, I think your story is both sad and heartening. I’m so glad you made the most of your opportunities and didn’t let their lack of support get you down. And I’m glad you are still working with youth. But this type of inequality seems so absolutely pointless and highlights nothing by sexism and power issues. I hope this changes and more women like you are allowed to teach our youth.
As I’ve perused LDS feminist websites, I’ve noticed some trends that are somewhat disturbing. The first is that the women involved in these websites often talk about men in the Church leadership who are oppressing them. A possible reason for neglecting to name any names because they haven’t faced the reality that the policies they find so offensive are coming straight from the top. I suppose it could also be because they simply don’t want to embarrass anyone or because they’re worried about the implications of directly criticizing LDS Church leadership in a public forum.
In response to a question that no one asked, the person most likely responsible for the CES policy of preferentially hiring men over women is Elder Eyring. If I’m not mistaken, he is the apostle in charge of the CES and since I’ve heard people upset about how seminary does its hiring in many different locations, those policies you find so distasteful must come from him.
Related to this topic is the trend I’ve noticed of LDS feminists talking about what the “men in power” are doing and what the Lord would be doing if he here running things situation. The last paragraph of this article is a perfect example. It gives the feeling that the Lord’s plan to hire Kylee was thwarted (by policies established by Elder Eyring mind you), but in His infinite mercy, helped her find an acceptable alternative. The reason this is bothersome should be obvious to any LDS with even a basic understanding of the necessity of revelation as the guiding power to those we sustain as “prophets, seers, and revelators.”
I’m sure it’s quite obvious by now that I’m perfectly fine with current CES policy. I would be happy to explain them if anyone is interested but that’s really not the reason I’m writing. I really just want to point out that the policies that you’re upset about come straight from the First Presidency and the Twelve (Elder Eyring in this case) and that according to D&C 1:38 – “…whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.”
Jenny-
In response to what you wrote: “A possible reason for neglecting to name any names…”
I didn’t name names because that wasn’t the issue I was writing about above. It doesn’t matter what man made the decision not to send another man to watch me teach my classes or in the case of my Boston early morning teaching what mad decided, after making promises, not to send anyone at all to watch me teach. The issue wasn’t about certain men and their names. The issue I wrote about is due process. The ideas that I find “distasteful” are that I didn’t get an equal chance to show the Church Education System (CES) now Seminaries & Institutes (S&I) my teaching abilities. If they had come, like they were suppose to, and then decided not to hire me, this post would have never been written.
In response to what you wrote: “Elder Eyring. If I’m not mistaken, he is the apostle in charge of the CES”
The current Commissioner of Education (General Authority) for S&I is Elder Johnson–not Elder Eyring. However, at the time I was student teaching for seminary the Commissioner of Education was Elder Eyring. He is wonderful and intelligent man and I grew to love, value, and appreciate him so much more when I was teaching seminary. He, in fact, gave a talk that completely inspired and changed me as a teacher. His talk was called, “Raising Expectations” and it was the guideline to everything I did in my seminary classes. In fact let me share a story with you about the connection I had with Elder Eyring’s talk and one of my students. There was this kid who came to my class every time and didn’t get his scriptures, put his hoody over his head and put his head on his desk. I expected more, Elder Eyring expected more, the Lord needed more. So everyday I would explain the expectations of my class and over a long period of time he started to at least get his scriptures out, then he started taking down the hoody, then he stated to fain interested and sort of pretend to read. By the end of the semester he was actually participating, not a ton, but the change in him was miraculous. I don’t thing I would have had as high expectations for that kid had I not heard Elder Eyring’s talk. The next semester he had another teacher (male) and I was asked to substitute. Sadly, when he came into the class, he had his hoody on, no scriptures, and laid his head on the desk. I could barely teach the lesson my heart hurt so much. When class was over I asked him why he wasn’t participating or bringing his scriptures. He said, “My teacher doesn’t care so why should I?” I was heart broken. So you see I love, respect, and adore President Eyring! I know he has been part of the reason that some women do get hired to teach seminary and institute. I LOVE what he brings to S & I and what I wrote above is not about him in the least bit.
In response to what you wrote: ..”basic understanding of the necessity of revelation as the guiding power”
I believe in inspiration and in inspired leaders. I believe there is inspiration in the process of hiring seminary teachers. I also believe those in charge of the hiring process are men, who make very calculated decisions and cuts. In order to be inspired you have to come meet the person, see how they teach, and so forth–then you use inspiration to make decisions. My unequal treatment in the first part of the process negated me from ever entering the second part. I can handle much better if the Lord tells a man, through inspiration, that I’m not to be hired because I’m not good enough then if a man decides, of his own will, I’m not worth the effort to come to my class and see me teach!
I think it only fair to let you know that my father works for S&I and has my entire life! He is incredibly talented and gifted as a teacher. Some of my favorite men and mentors also work for S&I. I adore the seminary and institute programs and find it amazingly inspired and guided! I have substituted for institute classes and If given the opportunity to teach early morning again I wouldn’t hesitate for a minute. I know women who have been hired and excel in their job as seminary and institute teachers and I’m grateful that they are allowed to do so. My only regret is that I wasn’t dealt with in an equal manner and that promises were made and broken.
Kylee! I am so grateful that you are one of God’s angels that gets to take care of our troubled youth. I would have loved to have you as my teacher at my alternative high school! I’m glad you still see this as another venue in which you can utilize your gift of teaching the gospel. (p.s. i’m your cousin sally’s best friend from high school) And you addressed Jenny’s comment PERFECTLY. Thanks for your story.:)
Kylee,
I think you find the reasonable margin of error in the church. Im glad you dont take the issue farther than it warrants but still have the courage to point out flaws where and when they crop up. Looking at it from the church leaders perspective and from a hiring perspective, I understand the reason for neglecting to evaluate you. When I look for a new employee I want someone who will be able to stick around for a while help build a positive culture and good reputation for my organization. While it sounds like you would certainly be an asset to a seminary because of your obvious talent that doesn’t make much of a difference if you have a child and because of policy are forced to quit. Of course this doesn’t answer for the empty promises of evaluation you were given but I hope that It may provide more insight into what happened.
Jenny, you would agree that church leaders aren’t perfect, right? And I agree that Church leaders are called to represent God. It’s easy to make the issue of the fallibility of church leaders black and white but it is possibly the grayest of church doctrines.
I was referred to this post by a fb link. I appreciate your story. I am not sure what will be necessary to change what seems to not be right.
I understand the principle of wanting young adults to be focused on marriage and raising children. I believe in that very much. I understand the ideal in having one parent not having a full time job while raising children. I understand the Family Proclamation and its statements on gender roles.
But something does not seem correct with how you were treated. How does this get corrected? Is is possible that a man commits to staying at home while his wife is the primary bread winner? Would it be possible that policy may someday be changed to fit this scenario?
Thanks again for sharing your story.